Saturday, November 15, 2008

Intoxication


I could use a drink right now. If I smoked, I would most certainly be high. I just need some time…to ease my mind… a minute, a second to catch my breath, or maybe my life. I am overwhelmed. So many decisions with little information, exams, my noisy neighbors and the economy…oh, don’t get me started on the economy and the bailout plan. I went to grocery store yesterday and came out with four plastic bags of food for eighty dollars. As a nation, we’ve collectively bent over and now we are being..uh emm..u know...

I want to be present but it is so difficult. Where is the fast forward button? What do I do with the mundane tasks and the stress resting in the cracks of my existence? As I move more fully into life, I edge nearer to death. Or is it the other way around?

There is one thing that has made me hopeful. That is Barack and Michelle. Michelle, a black woman, un-bossed, unafraid, intelligent and poised. And Barack, a black man who loves his wife as his equal—highly evolved , emotionally aware, intellectually astute, our next President. I marvel at this moment in time, but a cloud has been cast over my celebration by the recent events in California. In a few months, I will be equipped to go out into the world and help protect families in crisis. But as for my own family, I have no rights. No one has ever given me anything and I don’t expect anything today. Power is not given, it is fought for. I will live and take what is mine. Screw the system—I can get married tomorrow and a bond on a piece of paper (which more than 50 percent of heteros break) will not stop me.

But until then, I just need a drink, a respite, some vodka and a safe space to rest before the fight. Can you offer me this?