Saturday, March 29, 2008

how to save a life

the box of blue pills rest by my side. i fumble with the lid and cautiously slide them out onto the living room table. blue little pills i’ve used so often for relief. tonight i think that i might use them to save a life. when I was a little girl, i read that GOD took Enoch away. one day he was walking on earth and the next day he was free. separated him from the fallacy of this world. this transient and painfully unbearable fa├žade. some nights i ask, well why can’t GOD take me?

i sit here with sorrow carved so deeply. eviscerated.

i want to sleep tonight. blue little pills.
my salvation.
this musing. not a cry for intervention. i know full well that if i put these blue pills in my mouth i won’t make any attempts. i will leave this earth tonight. pray GOD mercy.

Suddenly, I hear her loud like something crashing down. She is in the other room. Completely unaware that I have decided to save a life. I push the pills away. Fuck it. Fuck me.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Mirror Mirror

She pulled back my eyelids
In an attempt to see my soul

Carefully placing in me
Imaginations and illuminations
mythologies and astro-philosophies
Of perfection
Her timid tongue prepared new words
Her feeble legs danced a strange and unfamiliar dance

She desperately wanted to see
Desperately wanted to believe
Praying for me to become
An unadulterated manifestation of secret cravings and ravished dreams
She placed the world at my feet
And blew a wish for possession

Little did she understand that what she had found
Was the ultimate realization of her greatest desires
And darkest nightmares
Further denial proved too fatal for contemplation

A creature so delicately flawed and incomplete
She lifted her face to the mirror only to see
A perfect reflection
Of herself

Monday, March 17, 2008

Flesh eater

It is tragic
That i sit here
Just a little bit more
Thou dost protest too much

I think that I am greedy to need so much
I have slutty needs
And dirty thoughts

transcendence and understanding have dissipated
I crave the dark

She is rising again
leading me by the hand
No longer
i can resist

Take me
Make a mockery of my good thoughts
Stain my body
Knock me to my knees
Burn the insides of my thighs
Tag me
Rock these bones

Pull tears from my face
Tumbling down the rabbit hole
I am desolation
I am desperation
I am rage

Monday, March 03, 2008



on this day
today, yes, this very day
spirit left body
slipped suddenly
like rush
spinning through vortex
to re
to the universe
to rest

no eyes
nor ears
to testify at its pass...
she journeyed
only weeping bodies left behind
in the wind

we curse light
not darkness
where she goes
i fear
i cannot go
she whispers in my ear at 3 am in the morning
"i'm free"
i smell her scent when i wake
to begin again
where she goes
i fear
i cannot go

with her hands
sullen eyes
and her freckles lining my face
i am here
to testify
where she goes
i fear
i cannot go

rest now
in the light
go safely
i am here now
to testify