9 Crimes

We inadvertently saw a movie about fate, love, and magic. Or maybe it wasn't so inadvertent after all. It happened.

After 90 minutes, I walked her out to her car, declined our scheduled dinner, and said goodbye. Tears burning hot down my face on the drive home.

In the hours after, she sent messages in the sky. Searching for holes along my spinal chord. Biting down in me in hopes of a response. I turned away.

But there are still moments when I crave her.  Feverishly trying to wash her scent out of my hair.

We are a destructive pairing. She plays victim like a prodigy. Swallowing notes and chords whole. I am always the perpetrator.  She hands me her gun fully loaded.

In another life, she met me fully woman. Washed of previous hurts, cleansed of desperation, and devoid of deceit. But not here. Not now. And I hate her for it.

I will never not think of her.

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